Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
