His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
