I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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