I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
