We're facebook friends in real life
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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