oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
