FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
