Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
