It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize