Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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