just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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