I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
