So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
