I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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