i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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