Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
