I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
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With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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