Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize