Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I love having hate sex.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
