Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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