Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
