Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
