I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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