She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize