Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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