My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
