We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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