Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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