No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
