When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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