never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
