STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
