She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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