He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Randomize
