try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
