I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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