Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
