Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he thought i was a dude.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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