margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
