At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
