Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
