He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
