You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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