dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
