ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
