Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
