Umm I'm too high to move.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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