why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
