I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
