I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
