I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
