I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
