sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
