No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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