the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
