uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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