My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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