He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
