The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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