it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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