just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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