32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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