There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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