Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
